My 'lawn', which has always been a mismatch of weeds interspersed with a few blades of grass, has recently taken on a whole new look. If you sent a snap of the grassy areas to, say, Gardeners' World, and asked them what had caused the many, many small holes that have appeared over the last month, they would in chorus suggest that we had been the victim of an over-enthusiastic squirrel along with a few of his mates, for that is exactly what it looks like.
They would be wrong. The resident undergardener is the culprit alongside his new favourite tool. Nick is not that adept at bending anymore, so his new gadget suits him absolutely down to the ground and then some - in fact, it would be fair to say, they seem to be joined at the hip for I rarely spot him without it.
His absolute joy is a stand-up weed puller, which really does do what it is supposed to. The metal claws grip the weed at the base and once you have learnt the knack of push, slant and pull, you are left triumphantly celebrating the fact that a whole weed and its roots have been neatly removed. While this would be invaluable if you only had the odd weed or two, the result of a happy hour at work on our patch has created devastation. Nick, the tool, and a yellow builder's bucket work in blissful harmony. 'Two whole buckets today', he cries, before moving onto the next patch. I have tried to suggest he fills the little holes before progressing, but this is not nearly so amusing or satisfying. I may have to hide the bucket, or in extremis the tool itself, but that would be too mean. If I start to make good, then I shall be enabling the new hobby. He says the holes will grass over by themselves. Whatever.
Thames Water have just announced their hosepipe ban in our area, so it's goodbye vegetables although I will try to keep them going with a can or two. It is hard to remain enthusiastic about the garden as it wilts around you. Still, it is nearly August, so I suppose we have had a four-month run. This is when gardening on chalk takes a toll - it's excellent for drainage. Even after a deluge it is drying out by the next day, and no, of course I don't mulch enough.
It wouldn't seem so bad if our area wasn't prone to continual leaks that remain unfixed for months. Watching water trickling down the road is always depressing, as are the conversations that persist on a Groundhog Day loop, and have done since I started to take note of such things. Build more reservoirs, pipe the water down to the South, desalination - these are the big ticket items and have been under discussion since the 1970s.
Anyway, it seems like most things it's now all the fault of the irresponsible customer, and if only we would go away everything would be fine. I see Thames Water is owned by a consortium including, bizarrely, the Abu Dhabi Investment Authority, who you would think might know a thing or two about water - apparently they are global players when it comes to a spot of desalination. Maybe they are working from home, where they don't seem to have an issue.
Anyway, on a merrier note we are off to the council recycling dump. This is always very satisfying and it is, as dumps go, a very attractive one, set off the main road and hidden by a field. Sometimes there is a little row of saved items. Garden gnomes and the odd toy or two, which gives the place a touch of life. No queues and feeling of satisfaction as we wander between containers deciding whether our rubbish comes under small electricals or general waste. As you leave there is a sign that tells us our waste has been 71% recycled, except obviously for the gnome which lurks to see another day.
This exact thing happened in our garden when my late husband got the stand up weed puller. No dandelions for a few days, but tons of holes. Looked like a prairie dog park.
Very humorous. Wish my husband would pull weeds from the lawn!